Sunday, January 20, 2013
Friday, September 3, 2010
A little insight
I wrote this poem years ago, to the man who I've been living with for 4 years.
Because
If you can figure Me out so easily My Love, I am certainly not worth the effort.
Take all you think you know of Me and cast it aside.
If you want to open Me up and find My essence then embrace Me without judgement.
Love Me without expectations - hold Me without fear
Know that worlds exist within Me and be grateful that you are worthy to explore them.
I am not what you expect ... No, I am so much more than that.
You may have met and loved many, but there is only one Me.
Be Blessed in My trust and bless Me with yours - that is most paramount - that is the key.
I am many within one, but all are Devoted, Loving, Wise, Strong and Honorable.
Even at My weakest I am never compromising
At My strongest I am invincible
Even the fantastic has its essence in Truth
My soul is True to you, and your wildest fantasies My subtle waves of whim - bestowed on he who accepts but does not expect.
My poem is true - probably the truest thing I've ever written. I wonder if all women feel this way: the pressure to be a certain ideal to those they love. These constant expectations that I feel. I don't understand how I can possibly be more than I am. I must be intelligent, nurturing, classy, powerful, frightening, motherly, creative, diligent - constantly expected to look over others and guide them. I am not only a mother of 4 children but I am also Mistress Dominae Drakonis - someone who has a reputation and following because I am a Dominatrix and Vampire. I have My sessions where I collar, leash beat and torment My submissives. I am sadistic but nurturing at the same time. I laugh while I humiliate them. I dress in pvc with shiny black boots and fishnet stockings. My makeup is perfect. The way I Dominate and coax responses is perfect.
What I am talking about here is expectations
what is expected of me from others. I've come to the realization that not everyone has as many expectations put upon them as I do. And the truth is, I am a VERY complex woman. I am not always Mistress Dominae Drakonis, and I'm not always Joyce either. I can go from watching a dog dancing in a video on youtube to reading about Stephen Hawking's theories on the existence of God within moments. I can dress in sweatpants and a tee shirt that reads Nihilistics and then moments later be in a long black gown.
The man who I live with - My Love - My heart - he should know Me by now. I wrote that poem to him years ago. What I don't understand is that he's still trying to figure Me out. He'll say things like "oh, you don't do that," or "this isn't you at all." Really? Well, if I'm doing it, then it must be Me, right? He's pressuring Me to write a book and the one thing he should know for sure by now is that if you pressure Me to do something, I'm not going to do it.
It's not only he who has expectations of Me, but My subs as well. They expect Me to be a cruel harsh Mistress, because I am a Vampire and Witch. They expect Me to bark out orders, crush them mercilessly. Well.... No. That's just not Me. And I did not get the good reputation I have because of other's expectations. There is nothing worse to Me than a sub who tells Me what they think I should do to them. "Dominate Me, but do it in THIS PARTICULAR WAY. Oh, I'll serve you and do whatever you say... I'll submit to your every whim - JUST DO IT THIS WAY." That's called Topping from the bottom and it's not going to happen with Me. If you want to serve Me then serve ME - not every other Domme you've served, or your fantasy of what a Domme is!
I guess what most don't understand is that I get tons of offers from submissive men every day. Many of the messages get weeded out immediately. Those that do get a response from Me have to show some sort of merit or stand out from the others. Of those, only a few will get accepted to serve Me. And even though I am a pro and lifestyle Domme, that does not mean that I'll take on anyone who will pay tribute for a session. See, I actually have to want to session with you. I don't care how much money you have - if you're a jerk you're not serving Me. It's frustrating and disappointing how few actually get accepted to serve Me. I honestly wish there were more who I wanted to play with. I don't understand how men can say that they're submissive, but when you actually converse with them they seem to care nothing about you or what your needs are. They care only about their own needs and desires. That's not being submissive at all. You have to actually know about Me, who I am as a person and want to please ME because I am who I am, not because I'm some random Domme. I'm not like the others you've served. I never expect My sub to be like all the others. Why do subs expect Me to be like all of the other Dommes?
Everyone who's had the pleasure of serving Me has told Me that I am unique. They've also left their session with a big smile, completely relaxed and floating from subspace. I've been told that I am much better than the other pro dommes. I wouldn't know, since I don't really observe other dommes. I just do things My way. I am very sadistic and very playful but I do know that I make My submissives relaxed and comfortable- even if they're crawling on the floor or yelling in pain. Believe Me, I'm not saying that I'll go easy on you. I'm just saying that you'll be comfortable even if I'm pushing your limits. You'll know that you're in good hands and that you're pleasing Me by serving Me.
As for the other aspects of who I am - well, let's just say that I must be knowledgeable about everything and able to fix other people's screw ups at a moments notice. I wonder why the others are just allowed to screw up and I'm expected to fix it? It just doesn't seem fair. I joke and tell people that I'd love to go insane just for one day so that I could do whatever I wanted and everyone would just accept it! It would be a wonderful break.
The time when I shine the most; the times when really beautiful and incredible things happen; are when I'm left alone without expectations. It doesn't happen often, but when it does and I'm free? Then I'm capable of extraordinary things
(which lead to more expectations... and the circle begins again....) (sigh)
Because
If you can figure Me out so easily My Love, I am certainly not worth the effort.
Take all you think you know of Me and cast it aside.
If you want to open Me up and find My essence then embrace Me without judgement.
Love Me without expectations - hold Me without fear
Know that worlds exist within Me and be grateful that you are worthy to explore them.
I am not what you expect ... No, I am so much more than that.
You may have met and loved many, but there is only one Me.
Be Blessed in My trust and bless Me with yours - that is most paramount - that is the key.
I am many within one, but all are Devoted, Loving, Wise, Strong and Honorable.
Even at My weakest I am never compromising
At My strongest I am invincible
Even the fantastic has its essence in Truth
My soul is True to you, and your wildest fantasies My subtle waves of whim - bestowed on he who accepts but does not expect.
My poem is true - probably the truest thing I've ever written. I wonder if all women feel this way: the pressure to be a certain ideal to those they love. These constant expectations that I feel. I don't understand how I can possibly be more than I am. I must be intelligent, nurturing, classy, powerful, frightening, motherly, creative, diligent - constantly expected to look over others and guide them. I am not only a mother of 4 children but I am also Mistress Dominae Drakonis - someone who has a reputation and following because I am a Dominatrix and Vampire. I have My sessions where I collar, leash beat and torment My submissives. I am sadistic but nurturing at the same time. I laugh while I humiliate them. I dress in pvc with shiny black boots and fishnet stockings. My makeup is perfect. The way I Dominate and coax responses is perfect.
What I am talking about here is expectations
what is expected of me from others. I've come to the realization that not everyone has as many expectations put upon them as I do. And the truth is, I am a VERY complex woman. I am not always Mistress Dominae Drakonis, and I'm not always Joyce either. I can go from watching a dog dancing in a video on youtube to reading about Stephen Hawking's theories on the existence of God within moments. I can dress in sweatpants and a tee shirt that reads Nihilistics and then moments later be in a long black gown.
The man who I live with - My Love - My heart - he should know Me by now. I wrote that poem to him years ago. What I don't understand is that he's still trying to figure Me out. He'll say things like "oh, you don't do that," or "this isn't you at all." Really? Well, if I'm doing it, then it must be Me, right? He's pressuring Me to write a book and the one thing he should know for sure by now is that if you pressure Me to do something, I'm not going to do it.
It's not only he who has expectations of Me, but My subs as well. They expect Me to be a cruel harsh Mistress, because I am a Vampire and Witch. They expect Me to bark out orders, crush them mercilessly. Well.... No. That's just not Me. And I did not get the good reputation I have because of other's expectations. There is nothing worse to Me than a sub who tells Me what they think I should do to them. "Dominate Me, but do it in THIS PARTICULAR WAY. Oh, I'll serve you and do whatever you say... I'll submit to your every whim - JUST DO IT THIS WAY." That's called Topping from the bottom and it's not going to happen with Me. If you want to serve Me then serve ME - not every other Domme you've served, or your fantasy of what a Domme is!
I guess what most don't understand is that I get tons of offers from submissive men every day. Many of the messages get weeded out immediately. Those that do get a response from Me have to show some sort of merit or stand out from the others. Of those, only a few will get accepted to serve Me. And even though I am a pro and lifestyle Domme, that does not mean that I'll take on anyone who will pay tribute for a session. See, I actually have to want to session with you. I don't care how much money you have - if you're a jerk you're not serving Me. It's frustrating and disappointing how few actually get accepted to serve Me. I honestly wish there were more who I wanted to play with. I don't understand how men can say that they're submissive, but when you actually converse with them they seem to care nothing about you or what your needs are. They care only about their own needs and desires. That's not being submissive at all. You have to actually know about Me, who I am as a person and want to please ME because I am who I am, not because I'm some random Domme. I'm not like the others you've served. I never expect My sub to be like all the others. Why do subs expect Me to be like all of the other Dommes?
Everyone who's had the pleasure of serving Me has told Me that I am unique. They've also left their session with a big smile, completely relaxed and floating from subspace. I've been told that I am much better than the other pro dommes. I wouldn't know, since I don't really observe other dommes. I just do things My way. I am very sadistic and very playful but I do know that I make My submissives relaxed and comfortable- even if they're crawling on the floor or yelling in pain. Believe Me, I'm not saying that I'll go easy on you. I'm just saying that you'll be comfortable even if I'm pushing your limits. You'll know that you're in good hands and that you're pleasing Me by serving Me.
As for the other aspects of who I am - well, let's just say that I must be knowledgeable about everything and able to fix other people's screw ups at a moments notice. I wonder why the others are just allowed to screw up and I'm expected to fix it? It just doesn't seem fair. I joke and tell people that I'd love to go insane just for one day so that I could do whatever I wanted and everyone would just accept it! It would be a wonderful break.
The time when I shine the most; the times when really beautiful and incredible things happen; are when I'm left alone without expectations. It doesn't happen often, but when it does and I'm free? Then I'm capable of extraordinary things
(which lead to more expectations... and the circle begins again....) (sigh)
Monday, August 30, 2010
Wisconsin, Misfortune and the Rise Towards Prosperity
I love new experiences, but I dislike the actual act of traveling. When I was asked to lecture in Wisonsin I was excited to see a new area and meet new people. But I absolutely dreaded the trip. Traveling with my love Sparky is always an endevour in of itself. He gets frustrated, moody and stressed to the max. But this time he seemed to be much better. I, on the other hand, ended up with a major headache and some sort of allergic reaction that I've yet to determine. I was miserable.
I was also stressed about presenting to a whole new group of people in an area I had never visited before.
Even with all this, I will say that the experience was wonderful. When we first arrived at the event we were greeted with hugs from total strangers, kind conversation and were catered to as though we were celebrities. Everyone was absolutely wonderful! While I was suffering physically I have to say that the time spent with those kinksters in Wisconsin was just amazing.
My presentation went very well. The room was packed and everyone had great questions and was very interested in what we had to say. I do hope to be invited back to the event again.
When we returned, things began to take a turn for the worse. Slowly, and without any explanation, things in our home started to break - one after another. Our washing machine, our microwave, My laptop, etc. Also, My work hours got cut so there wasn't money to pay the cable or gas bill - so no stove, no hot water, no phone, no cable and no internet!! It was.... dismal!! I almost felt defeated, but not quite. Now, slowly we're working our way back to getting everything in order again.
I started doing more professional sessions and have some wonderful new clients. I was also able to get a new laptop (brand new, for the first time in years!!) and as a business investment it's helped Me to keep online and make new session arrangements. I was also able to do a hypnosis session - something I haven't done in quite a long time but it was very successful and so enjoyable.
Things are looking up. I'm coming back into "being" after a horrible slump.
I think that the problem with blogging is that so many things happen and I need to choose what to write about. There is so much more to say, but for now this will suffice. Perhaps if I get in the practice of writing every day it will be easier for Me.
I was also stressed about presenting to a whole new group of people in an area I had never visited before.
Even with all this, I will say that the experience was wonderful. When we first arrived at the event we were greeted with hugs from total strangers, kind conversation and were catered to as though we were celebrities. Everyone was absolutely wonderful! While I was suffering physically I have to say that the time spent with those kinksters in Wisconsin was just amazing.
My presentation went very well. The room was packed and everyone had great questions and was very interested in what we had to say. I do hope to be invited back to the event again.
When we returned, things began to take a turn for the worse. Slowly, and without any explanation, things in our home started to break - one after another. Our washing machine, our microwave, My laptop, etc. Also, My work hours got cut so there wasn't money to pay the cable or gas bill - so no stove, no hot water, no phone, no cable and no internet!! It was.... dismal!! I almost felt defeated, but not quite. Now, slowly we're working our way back to getting everything in order again.
I started doing more professional sessions and have some wonderful new clients. I was also able to get a new laptop (brand new, for the first time in years!!) and as a business investment it's helped Me to keep online and make new session arrangements. I was also able to do a hypnosis session - something I haven't done in quite a long time but it was very successful and so enjoyable.
Things are looking up. I'm coming back into "being" after a horrible slump.
I think that the problem with blogging is that so many things happen and I need to choose what to write about. There is so much more to say, but for now this will suffice. Perhaps if I get in the practice of writing every day it will be easier for Me.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
This Unsettling, Amazing Life
I want to start blogging more regularly. I think it's a great thing to do, whether others are reading them or not. The past few weeks I've been doing a lot of reflecting, and a lot of stressing as well. I have a performance this Thursday night at POV in the city to plan. After that I have a lecture to give in Wisonsin in the beginning of July. I also have work and I'm trying to get more hours on top of it. I'm excited about doing a performance again, though I wish that the stage was large enough where I could actually Perform. I guess I'll do the best that I can. I know that the last performance I did was really well received.
As for the lecture/presentation in Wisconsin, I'm definitely excited about that. I've never been to Wisconsin before and it'll be great to have a hotel room for the weekend with only one presentation to give. I also love the idea of going somewhere where I don't know anyone personally. It gives a great opportunity to make new friends.
I had a wonderful evening alone today - it's been a while since I had the place to myself. Sparky is doing a comedy gig, my oldest son is doing a music gig and my youngest son is with his father for father's day. I managed to get some housework done, watch a movie and read a little of the Dalai Lama's book "The Art of Happiness."
I'm Wiccan, but if I weren't I'd be a Buddhist.
Tomorrow is Father's Day so I've been thinking a lot about my father. He passed away from bone cancer when I was 10 years old. I still remember everything about him. He and I were very much alike. Not only in our appearance, but the way we looked at life, joked around and even our talents were similar. He was an artist just as I am - though my artwork could never compare to his.
What I remember most about my father is how loving and caring he was. I was lucky to have him even for just a short time and I will never stop missing him.
xxxooo vv
As for the lecture/presentation in Wisconsin, I'm definitely excited about that. I've never been to Wisconsin before and it'll be great to have a hotel room for the weekend with only one presentation to give. I also love the idea of going somewhere where I don't know anyone personally. It gives a great opportunity to make new friends.
I had a wonderful evening alone today - it's been a while since I had the place to myself. Sparky is doing a comedy gig, my oldest son is doing a music gig and my youngest son is with his father for father's day. I managed to get some housework done, watch a movie and read a little of the Dalai Lama's book "The Art of Happiness."
I'm Wiccan, but if I weren't I'd be a Buddhist.
Tomorrow is Father's Day so I've been thinking a lot about my father. He passed away from bone cancer when I was 10 years old. I still remember everything about him. He and I were very much alike. Not only in our appearance, but the way we looked at life, joked around and even our talents were similar. He was an artist just as I am - though my artwork could never compare to his.
What I remember most about my father is how loving and caring he was. I was lucky to have him even for just a short time and I will never stop missing him.
xxxooo vv
Saturday, May 29, 2010
First Blog - and some information for those who don't know Me
Welcome to My blog. I am creating this because I don't use myspace anymore, and facebook doesn't have a good space to really blog. I miss blogging - much of my life was in my myspace blogs. They reminded me of all I've been through and how I've changed. So, here I am again to write what is in my life now. Here you will pure honesty. Don't expect wicked rantings (not all the time, at least) or expect "Mistress Dominae" all the time.
For those of you who don't know me well - I am many things. But I am known as being the Vampire Dominatrix. I am also bisexual and Wiccan. And - I am a mother of four sons and the girlfriend of sparky. I'm fairly well known and have been on t.v., in books, magazines, radio, etc. etc. So if you want to see that aspect of who I am, just do a search. Plenty of stuff will come up.
My life is very strange and I know that one of the reasons for this is because I just don't see life like most people do. I try to find interesting experiences, interesting people - anything unique that I feel will bring me a positive experience.
For me, normality is boring! And one thing I can't stand is boredom!
You'll get more insight than anyone on who I am, how I think and what I feel if you follow me here. Because this is my "diary" and I plan to use it as such.
So follow me and see what goes on in the mind of a suburban housewife and Dominatrix/Vampire.... how could it not be interesting? LOL
Sharp Stings and Piercing Screams
Mistress Dominae Drakonis
For those of you who don't know me well - I am many things. But I am known as being the Vampire Dominatrix. I am also bisexual and Wiccan. And - I am a mother of four sons and the girlfriend of sparky. I'm fairly well known and have been on t.v., in books, magazines, radio, etc. etc. So if you want to see that aspect of who I am, just do a search. Plenty of stuff will come up.
My life is very strange and I know that one of the reasons for this is because I just don't see life like most people do. I try to find interesting experiences, interesting people - anything unique that I feel will bring me a positive experience.
For me, normality is boring! And one thing I can't stand is boredom!
You'll get more insight than anyone on who I am, how I think and what I feel if you follow me here. Because this is my "diary" and I plan to use it as such.
So follow me and see what goes on in the mind of a suburban housewife and Dominatrix/Vampire.... how could it not be interesting? LOL
Sharp Stings and Piercing Screams
Mistress Dominae Drakonis
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
